Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
nikonpup
Senior Member
it took a second till i saw the second line.
i sent it to the family, i have a brother-in-law who lost a leg. 
LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him. Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him. Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
it took a second till i saw the second line.
You cant beat humor,i used to work with a black guy and if we met in town he used to say is that you mike,its just all you white guys look alike to me
- What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle. - What do you call a snowman in the tropics?
Lost. - What happened when the shy snowgirl ditched her snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder. - What do cool snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps. - What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers. - Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs. - How do snowmen travel to the snow-field?
By icicle.
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed..
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
..............................................
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
..............................................
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face
cream..
And that's when the fight started
..................................................
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's when the fight started....
..............................................
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. .......................
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my
benefits. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. .......................
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. .......................
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. ............................
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
..............................................
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
..............................................
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face
cream..
And that's when the fight started
..................................................
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's when the fight started....
..............................................
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. .......................
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my
benefits. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. .......................
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. .......................
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started....
.................................................. ............................
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
