Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

Marilynne

Marilynne

Administrator
Staff member
Super Mod
Contributor
nikonpup said:
should have edited last post to say "marilynne" :)))))
Click to expand...

We're expecting a cold front this weekend. The local stations are predicting low's in the 50's, but the Weather Channel says otherwise.
Partly Cloudy

Currently 76°
High 85°
Low 66° F

Data from


[h=1]Forecast[/h]
  • 85° 66° Today
  • 76° 68° Tomorrow
  • 75° 72° Sunday
  • 81° 74° Monday
  • 82° 75° Tuesday
 
P

paul04

Senior Member
FB_IMG_1450455007723.jpg
 
M

mikew_RIP

Senior Member
How to shower like a woman.
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum and tenderly stroke your belly.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off, whilst seductively stroking your belly.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed
__________________
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
marilynne said:
we're expecting a cold front this weekend. The local stations are predicting low's in the 50's, but the weather channel says otherwise.
partly cloudy

currently 76°
high 85°
low 66° f

data from


forecast


  • 85° 66° today
  • 76° 68° tomorrow
  • 75° 72° sunday
  • 81° 74° monday
  • 82° 75° tuesday
Click to expand...
with my luck if i moved a hurricane would come along and blow me back here. :-(
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
A Yorkshire farmer drove to a neighbours' farmhouse in his > > Toyota pickup, and knocked at the door.
A boy, of about 9, opened the door."Is your Dad home?" said the farmer.
"No mate, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No mate, he went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant"
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I do know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig,
but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
 
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