mikeh32217
Senior Member
If I made a post about a Democrat Priest on fire,
would that post be political, religious or inflammatory?
Just wondering.
Yes!
Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
Yes!
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
About To Get Charged For No Charge » Funny & Stupid Customer Stories – Not Always Right
[h=3]About To Get Charged For No Charge[/h]Camera Shop | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology
(My boss is helping a customer who is looking for a battery for his digital camera.)
Boss: “That will be $59.99 plus tax.”
Customer: “What! That’s crazy! I’ve only had this camera for a week, and the battery is already dead. Are you telling me I’m going to have to spend $60 every time it dies?”
Boss: “Only a week? The battery might be defective. How long did you leave it on the charger?”
Customer: “Charger? Um…”
(The customer grabs his ‘dead’ battery, and heads for the door.)
Customer: “I was never here.”
(My boss manages to wait until the customer is out of the store before cracking up.)
[h=3]About To Get Charged For No Charge[/h]Camera Shop | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology
(My boss is helping a customer who is looking for a battery for his digital camera.)
Boss: “That will be $59.99 plus tax.”
Customer: “What! That’s crazy! I’ve only had this camera for a week, and the battery is already dead. Are you telling me I’m going to have to spend $60 every time it dies?”
Boss: “Only a week? The battery might be defective. How long did you leave it on the charger?”
Customer: “Charger? Um…”
(The customer grabs his ‘dead’ battery, and heads for the door.)
Customer: “I was never here.”
(My boss manages to wait until the customer is out of the store before cracking up.)
A funny for you
Geriatric Traffic Jam
Geriatric Traffic Jam
nikonpup
Senior Member
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip. He hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place where he can get a pizza.
The concierge tells him he will call for delivery to his room and takes his order.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sneezing uncontrollably.
He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "Just what you ordered -- pepper only."
The concierge tells him he will call for delivery to his room and takes his order.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sneezing uncontrollably.
He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "Just what you ordered -- pepper only."
What happens when an Engineer goes to Hell...
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.
He soon begins to design and build improvements.
Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?" Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."
"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"
God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.
He soon begins to design and build improvements.
Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?" Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What!" God exclaims: "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."
"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"
God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?
vindex1963
Senior Member
Some of the worst jokes I've ever read and laughed all the way through...thanks everyone!!!
Just-Clayton
Senior Member
Ok!! Time for one from me.
A blond goes to an ice cream parlor close to closing time.
Cashier: What would you like to order??
blond: I would like a gallon of chocolate.
Cashier: Sorry, we have none left.
Blond: Then I would like a half gallon of chocolate.
Cashier: Mam. We have no chocolate.
Blond: Well, then I will have a pint of your chocolate!
Getting very upset at the woman he says to her "Mam! can you say "FRIG AS IN CHOCOLATE???" (you may use other words, I thought I would keep it clean)
Blond: Sir!! There is no "FRIG In Chocolate!!"
Cashier: This is what I have been trying to tell you!!!
A blond goes to an ice cream parlor close to closing time.
Cashier: What would you like to order??
blond: I would like a gallon of chocolate.
Cashier: Sorry, we have none left.
Blond: Then I would like a half gallon of chocolate.
Cashier: Mam. We have no chocolate.
Blond: Well, then I will have a pint of your chocolate!
Getting very upset at the woman he says to her "Mam! can you say "FRIG AS IN CHOCOLATE???" (you may use other words, I thought I would keep it clean)
Blond: Sir!! There is no "FRIG In Chocolate!!"
Cashier: This is what I have been trying to tell you!!!
nikonpup
Senior Member
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed.
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'
Last edited:
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
So my one buddy is a born loser. One day he comes home and nothing is there but a note on the mantel from his wife.
" Don't look for me because I ran off with your best friend and I cleaned out our bank account because we are going to need money. P.S. Don't look for the dog because we took him with us; he always liked me best"
This is the final straw. He runs outside, throws his hands toward the heavens and exclaims "Why me God, why me"? In just a moment the clouds part and a great voice that sounds like thunder says " I don't know why you. something about you just pisses me off"
" Don't look for me because I ran off with your best friend and I cleaned out our bank account because we are going to need money. P.S. Don't look for the dog because we took him with us; he always liked me best"
This is the final straw. He runs outside, throws his hands toward the heavens and exclaims "Why me God, why me"? In just a moment the clouds part and a great voice that sounds like thunder says " I don't know why you. something about you just pisses me off"
nikonpup
Senior Member
Stuttering Cat - as explained by a Grade 4 student
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl.
"My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,' but before she could say 'Fuck!,' the Rottweiler ate her!"
The teacher had to leave the room.
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl.
"My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,' but before she could say 'Fuck!,' the Rottweiler ate her!"
The teacher had to leave the room.
nikonpup
Senior Member
Empathy for a homesick snowbird
I was in Scottsdale, AZ the other day.
I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss Chicago."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires,
added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, hope this helps.
I was in Scottsdale, AZ the other day.
I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss Chicago."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires,
added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read, hope this helps.