Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
WileyCoyote
Banned
A Pagan died and, much to her surprise, found herself at the Pearly Gates facing
St. Peter. He walked up to her and said, "Hello, and welcome."
She stared
at St. Peter in complete confusion. "Wait a minute," she said. "I was supposed
to end up in the Summerlands."
He smiled. "Ah, you must be one of our Pagan sisters. Follow me, please."
Peter gestured for her to follow him
down a small path, which went through the gates and down a bit to the left. They
walked for a short while, then he stepped back and gestured her forward. Looking
past his hand, she saw the verdant fields and forests of her desired
Summerlands. She saw people feasting, dancing, and making merry, exactly as she
expected.
While shaking her head in wonder, the Pagan happened to glance
over to one side and saw a small group of people a short way away from the edge
of the Summerlands. The people in the group were watching the revellers, but not
joining them. Instead, they were screaming and weeping piteously. The Pagan
looked at St. Peter.
"Who are those people?" she asked.
St. Peter
replied, "Them? They are fundamentalists. They're a bit surprised to see you all
there, so they stand there and carry on like that all day."
"Why? Don't they have better things to do?"
Peter leaned conspiratorially toward her.
"They don't really have a choice. They are actually in Hell. God doesn't like
being told what He thinks!"
St. Peter. He walked up to her and said, "Hello, and welcome."
She stared
at St. Peter in complete confusion. "Wait a minute," she said. "I was supposed
to end up in the Summerlands."
He smiled. "Ah, you must be one of our Pagan sisters. Follow me, please."
Peter gestured for her to follow him
down a small path, which went through the gates and down a bit to the left. They
walked for a short while, then he stepped back and gestured her forward. Looking
past his hand, she saw the verdant fields and forests of her desired
Summerlands. She saw people feasting, dancing, and making merry, exactly as she
expected.
While shaking her head in wonder, the Pagan happened to glance
over to one side and saw a small group of people a short way away from the edge
of the Summerlands. The people in the group were watching the revellers, but not
joining them. Instead, they were screaming and weeping piteously. The Pagan
looked at St. Peter.
"Who are those people?" she asked.
St. Peter
replied, "Them? They are fundamentalists. They're a bit surprised to see you all
there, so they stand there and carry on like that all day."
"Why? Don't they have better things to do?"
Peter leaned conspiratorially toward her.
"They don't really have a choice. They are actually in Hell. God doesn't like
being told what He thinks!"
nikonpup
Senior Member
Siamese twins walk into a bar in Toronto and park
themselves on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; as you
can see, we're joined side by side at the hip. I’m John, he's
Jim. Two Molson beers, draft please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make
polite conversation while pouring the beers.
"Been on holiday yet, boys"?
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England
every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?"
Jim agrees.
"Ah, England !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...
the history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John.
"Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't
stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."
"So why keep going to England ?" asks the bartender.
"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
Not a joke but an ebay description,love the last sentence
Yongnuo YN560 II Flash Speedlite w LCD Screen for Nikon D3100 D7000 D5100 D90 & Canon/Pentax
This new designed flash YN-560 II is compatible with any camera with the standard hot shoe, the function is similar to the YN-560, but we designed some new LCD Screen and upgraded the function.
What's more, it used the Unsalted gate bipolar transistor circuit design, and Metal Hot shoe ,it's more beautiful, creditable and professional.
Feel a lot better now i know that
Yongnuo YN560 II Flash Speedlite w LCD Screen for Nikon D3100 D7000 D5100 D90 & Canon/Pentax
This new designed flash YN-560 II is compatible with any camera with the standard hot shoe, the function is similar to the YN-560, but we designed some new LCD Screen and upgraded the function.
What's more, it used the Unsalted gate bipolar transistor circuit design, and Metal Hot shoe ,it's more beautiful, creditable and professional.
Feel a lot better now i know that
Michael J.
Senior Member
A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice repeat, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me, and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. All your friends will be envious because I will be your bride and the best woman any man could dream of!'
The man looked over the frog for a while, then reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said, "Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride."'
He opened his pocket, looked down at the frog and said, 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'
With age comes wisdom.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice repeat, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me, and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. All your friends will be envious because I will be your bride and the best woman any man could dream of!'
The man looked over the frog for a while, then reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said, "Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride."'
He opened his pocket, looked down at the frog and said, 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'
With age comes wisdom.
If you had said flies I would have answered "garbage truck".
[h=5]“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.
I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
She fainted.”[/h]
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.
I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
She fainted.”[/h]
nikonpup
Senior Member
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
Amazing! Lol