Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

KiltedMuskrat

Senior Member
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nikonpup

Senior Member
A group of 4 friends were driving home one night through the country road near their home after a late night of partying and debauchery. As they drove through the twisty, poorly lit roads they struck a pig that had escaped its pasture. Although the pig ran off seemingly with just a limp, the boys were alarmed at what they had just done. All 4 immediately swore not to breathe a word to anyone for fear their strict parents would never allow them to drive for a very long time. One night, the driver of the car is at home and hears a rather official sounding knock on the door. He opens to find two grim faced police officers. "You're under arrest for a hit & run, and you'll need to come with us to the station." The driver confessed immediately and said "Ok, I'm ready to go to the station and face the music. I just have one question. We're all lifelong friends none of us would never divulge our secret. How did you figure it out?" The chief police officer looks straight at him and responds stoicly, "Very easy. The pig squealed."
 

nikonpup

Senior Member
A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick... that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park, and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment... Finally, he stammered... "You mean you're not the... " "flight instructor?"
 

nikonpup

Senior Member
A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it!" The farmer was dubious. "Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you in the morning, I'll buy a whole case from you." The salesman was delighted. They went to the field, and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. The farmer went back to the house. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the corn field. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you, but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, "For crying out loud, Mister, doesn't that calf have a mother!
 

nikonpup

Senior Member
A young blonde and her teenage boyfriend were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat. 'NO!'' yelled the blonde. The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again. ''NO!'' the blonde yelled again. Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped. 'Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy. ''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?' The blonde looked at him and said, 'Because I wanna stay up here with you."
 
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