Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

M

mikew_RIP

Senior Member
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Marcel

Marcel

Happily retired
Staff member
Super Mod
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and look at the sign on the wall:

Beer $3.50
Chicken sandwich $5.00
Hand Job $20.00

The cute waitress comes and asks him what he'd like...

The guy asks her if she's the one doing the hand job.

She says Yes with a big smile.

So the guy says: "Now I want to see you wash your hands before you make me that chicken sandwich. :)
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:

[FONT=&quot]T [FONT=&quot]WOMEN [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]BREASTED AMERICAN. '[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]2. She is not 'EASY' - She is[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]LOW COST PROVIDER.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT [/FONT][FONT=&quot]MEN [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot]'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'[/FONT]
​
 
J

JH Foto

Senior Member
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
 
J

JH Foto

Senior Member
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
 
Michael J.

Michael J.

Senior Member
Wife texts her handy husband on a cold
​
winter morning:​
"WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN"

​
Husband texts back:​
"GENTLY POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER THE EDGES​
AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER"

​
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
​
"LAPTOP REALLY BUGGERED NOW."
​
​
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
SIGNS





[FONT=&quot]Shore Repair Store: We will heel you. We will save your sole. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] We will dye for you.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Gynecologist's Office: Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Podiatrist's office: Time wounds all heels.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]At an Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]You've come to the right place.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Plumber's truck : We repair what your husband fixed.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Plumber's truck:"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]At a Tire Shop : Invite us to your next blowout.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Non-smoking Area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and we will take appropriate action.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Maternity Room door: Push. Push. Push.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Outside a Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Front yard of a Funeral Home: Drive carefully. We'll wait.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Propane Filling Station: Thank Heaven for little grills.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot] Radiator Shop: Best place in town to take a leak.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Septic Tank Truck: Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises[/FONT]








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