Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
Thought I would post this travel guide for everyone
Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
I came out of the chip shop with a meat/potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man, sitting there, said, “I've not eaten for two days.”
I told him, “I wish, I had your will power!”
I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days, when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or a bus,
and think to yourself, "I'm gonna take that!"
I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question,----which I got wrong.
The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair ?"
Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.
A poor homeless man, sitting there, said, “I've not eaten for two days.”
I told him, “I wish, I had your will power!”
I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days, when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or a bus,
and think to yourself, "I'm gonna take that!"
I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question,----which I got wrong.
The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair ?"
Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.
nikonpup
Senior Member
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture and an enterprising bounty hunter decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, sneaked up behind him, put his pistol to the bandit's head, and said, "Let's keep this simple... Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English and the bounty hunter didn't speak Spanish.
A cattle buyer, who traded cattle on the border, was in the cantina at the time. He spoke Spanish and offered to translate the bounty hunter's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the bounty hunter.
The cattle buyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo... You're too stupid to even know how to pull the trigger.'"
Two cattle buyers were talking about the upcoming fall run...
"I'm gonna make some changes this fall," said the first cattle buyer. "Two years ago, I was only home a few days during October and my wife got pregnant. Last October, I was home even less and my wife got pregnant again."
"So what are you gonna change?" asked the second cattle buyer.
"By God, this year I gonna take my wife with me," said the first cattle buyer.
A cattle buyer's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
She told the agent, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, so I'll be by to pick up the check."
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
There was a long pause before Susan replied... "Then I'd like to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband."
At 3:00 A.M., an obviously inebriated cattle buyer called the motel front desk and asked what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answered the clerk.
About an hour later, the cattle buyer called again, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asked.
"Same time as before... Noon," replied the clerk.
Another hour passed and the cattle buyer called again and slobbered, "What time joo shay the bar opens?"
The clerk then answered, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No!! I don't wanna git in... I wanna git OUT!!!"
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, sneaked up behind him, put his pistol to the bandit's head, and said, "Let's keep this simple... Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English and the bounty hunter didn't speak Spanish.
A cattle buyer, who traded cattle on the border, was in the cantina at the time. He spoke Spanish and offered to translate the bounty hunter's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the bounty hunter.
The cattle buyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo... You're too stupid to even know how to pull the trigger.'"
Two cattle buyers were talking about the upcoming fall run...
"I'm gonna make some changes this fall," said the first cattle buyer. "Two years ago, I was only home a few days during October and my wife got pregnant. Last October, I was home even less and my wife got pregnant again."
"So what are you gonna change?" asked the second cattle buyer.
"By God, this year I gonna take my wife with me," said the first cattle buyer.
A cattle buyer's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
She told the agent, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, so I'll be by to pick up the check."
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
There was a long pause before Susan replied... "Then I'd like to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband."
At 3:00 A.M., an obviously inebriated cattle buyer called the motel front desk and asked what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answered the clerk.
About an hour later, the cattle buyer called again, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asked.
"Same time as before... Noon," replied the clerk.
Another hour passed and the cattle buyer called again and slobbered, "What time joo shay the bar opens?"
The clerk then answered, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No!! I don't wanna git in... I wanna git OUT!!!"
“Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.” Waiter- “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Read more at:
“Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.” Waiter- “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Read more at:
“Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.” Waiter- “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Read more at:
Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a yard. One says to the other, “Funny, I smell carrots too.”
Read more at:
Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a yard. One says to the other, “Funny, I smell carrots too.”
Read more at:
Read more at:
“Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.” Waiter- “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Read more at:
“Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.” Waiter- “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Read more at:
Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a yard. One says to the other, “Funny, I smell carrots too.”
Read more at:
Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a yard. One says to the other, “Funny, I smell carrots too.”
Read more at:
WORLDS WORST GOLF FOURSOME
1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON
WHY, YOU ASK?
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Well, you're going to love this!
1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O. J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST
1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON
WHY, YOU ASK?
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Well, you're going to love this!
1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O. J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST
nikonpup
Senior Member
I’ve been up it a zillion times but never knew just where it was. But now...
IMAGINE A PICTURE OF A BRIDGE, A SIGN THAT READS
"SHIT CREEK"
IMAGINE A PICTURE OF A BRIDGE, A SIGN THAT READS
"SHIT CREEK"
I really found it! Just outside of Harrisburg, Pa.
Somehow you just always knew it was out there...somewhere.
Now, if I only could find my paddle…..
Somehow you just always knew it was out there...somewhere.
Now, if I only could find my paddle…..
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I’ve been up it a zillion times but never knew just where it was. But now...
I really found it! Just outside of Harrisburg, Pa.
Somehow you just always knew it was out there...somewhere.
Now, if I only could find my paddle…..
Nothing but some words and lots of blank space Ron.
My wife said "Fix that gutter downspout TODAY!"
So I invited the boys over.
One brought his welding machine, one brought a pipe cutter,
the others brought beer.
Took us about 4 hours, mostly for the beer,
Took us about 4 hours, mostly for the beer,
but we got the downspout fixed.
Wife is still speechless...
Wife is still speechless...
I am certain not for much longer though.
They where emails a mate sent me i did a copy and paste and was going to add the pictures but for me they showed in the post so didnt bother.
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
I thought I was just having problems. Glad it is not just me then.
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