Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
KiltedMuskrat
Senior Member
nikonpup
Senior Member
The 89 year old told his 18 year old great grandson he is stronger now than when he was18! G grandson said really? He yup , when he was 18 and had a woody... neither he nor h grandma could bend it at all!
And now I can bend it in half with just one hand!
Hear about the dumb blonde? So dumb she needed a coat hanger to get OUT of her car.
A string walks into a bar and ask for a drink. Bartender says "We don't serve strings in here!" String goes outside and frazels both his ends and ties his self in a knot. Goes back in and orders a drink. bartender says " Hey, arn't you that sting that was just in here?" "No frayed knot"
What do you call an alligator with a vest on?
An investigator
.
I walked into a bar with an alligator.
I asked the bartender,
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
He replied, “Yes sir, we do.”
I said, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer,
and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
When we get a dog, we are going to name the dog "Five Miles". That way, I can honestly tell family, friends, colleagues and peers that I walk Five Miles every day
.
Why does Hawaii have a interstate when it's not connected to any other state
The last time I got friendly with a pretty girl she said, "I don't do this normally." I said, That's ok, honey, I'm a little weird myself.
And now I can bend it in half with just one hand!
Hear about the dumb blonde? So dumb she needed a coat hanger to get OUT of her car.
A string walks into a bar and ask for a drink. Bartender says "We don't serve strings in here!" String goes outside and frazels both his ends and ties his self in a knot. Goes back in and orders a drink. bartender says " Hey, arn't you that sting that was just in here?" "No frayed knot"
What do you call an alligator with a vest on?
An investigator
.
I walked into a bar with an alligator.
I asked the bartender,
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
He replied, “Yes sir, we do.”
I said, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer,
and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
When we get a dog, we are going to name the dog "Five Miles". That way, I can honestly tell family, friends, colleagues and peers that I walk Five Miles every day
.
Why does Hawaii have a interstate when it's not connected to any other state
The last time I got friendly with a pretty girl she said, "I don't do this normally." I said, That's ok, honey, I'm a little weird myself.
KiltedMuskrat
Senior Member
Q - What Hangs At A Man's Thigh And Wants To Poke The Hole It's Often Poked Before?
A – A Key
Q - What Do You Call The Largest Mammal On Earth That Lives In A Palace?
A – The Prince of Whales
Q - When Is A Door Not A Door?
A – When it’s a jar
Q - What Is The Difference Between Stabbing A Man And Killing A Hog?
A - One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.
Q - Why Are Young Ladies Like Arrows?
A - Because they are all aquiver in the presence of a beau.
Q - What Is The Difference Between A Tube And A Foolish Dutchman?
A - One is a hollow cylinder, and the other a silly Hollander
Q - Why Is A Dog Like A Tree?
A - Because they both lose their bark once they're dead.
Q - What's The Difference Between Photography And The Whooping Cough?
A - One makes fac-similes; the other makes sick families.
A Man Said To A Preacher, 'That Was An Excellent Sermon, But It Was Not Original'
The preacher was taken aback. The man said he had a book at home containing every word the preacher used. The next day, the man brought the preacher a dictionary.
Lil Audrey Was Sitting On The Porch With Her Brother...
She said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"
Her brother jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly squashed by a truck. And Lil Audrey just laughed and laughed, because she knew it was only a nickel.
'I Like To Go Camping'
Said Tom, intently.
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"
The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."
"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :
"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."
A – A Key
Q - What Do You Call The Largest Mammal On Earth That Lives In A Palace?
A – The Prince of Whales
Q - When Is A Door Not A Door?
A – When it’s a jar
Q - What Is The Difference Between Stabbing A Man And Killing A Hog?
A - One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.
Q - Why Are Young Ladies Like Arrows?
A - Because they are all aquiver in the presence of a beau.
Q - What Is The Difference Between A Tube And A Foolish Dutchman?
A - One is a hollow cylinder, and the other a silly Hollander
Q - Why Is A Dog Like A Tree?
A - Because they both lose their bark once they're dead.
Q - What's The Difference Between Photography And The Whooping Cough?
A - One makes fac-similes; the other makes sick families.
A Man Said To A Preacher, 'That Was An Excellent Sermon, But It Was Not Original'
The preacher was taken aback. The man said he had a book at home containing every word the preacher used. The next day, the man brought the preacher a dictionary.
Lil Audrey Was Sitting On The Porch With Her Brother...
She said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"
Her brother jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly squashed by a truck. And Lil Audrey just laughed and laughed, because she knew it was only a nickel.
'I Like To Go Camping'
Said Tom, intently.
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"
The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."
"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :
"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."
