Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
I'm proper British me
Being British is about driving a German car
to an Irish pub
for a Belgian beer,
then on the way home,
grabbing an Indian curry
or a Turkish kebab,
to sit on a Swedish sofa
and watch USA shows
on a Japanese TV.
And most of all
being suspicious of anything Foreign
Being British is about driving a German car
to an Irish pub
for a Belgian beer,
then on the way home,
grabbing an Indian curry
or a Turkish kebab,
to sit on a Swedish sofa
and watch USA shows
on a Japanese TV.
And most of all
being suspicious of anything Foreign
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with the triple-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still had not paid for them.
Helloooo!!! Just because I am a Senior Citizen does not mean that I am automatically mentally challenged. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year. The sales guy said, “These windows would pay for themselves in a year!”
It has been a year, so they are paid for, I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.
He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still had not paid for them.
Helloooo!!! Just because I am a Senior Citizen does not mean that I am automatically mentally challenged. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year. The sales guy said, “These windows would pay for themselves in a year!”
It has been a year, so they are paid for, I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.
He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man sa,ys, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon. So, today I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a 9mm handgun for home/personal protection.
When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!
As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often, but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. I still do not think I looked that bad! Just need to wear underwear more often.
When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!
As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often, but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. I still do not think I looked that bad! Just need to wear underwear more often.