Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
Some of us live with two (asses) -one of them being his/her own...
[FONT="]The phone rings
Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy
from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one
belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too
good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.. Sanders.
"Normally we could have, but the new health care system will only pay for
these expensive tests just one time."
''Well, what am I supposed to do now? "
"The folks at health care recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep
with him."[/FONT]
Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy
from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one
belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too
good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.. Sanders.
"Normally we could have, but the new health care system will only pay for
these expensive tests just one time."
''Well, what am I supposed to do now? "
"The folks at health care recommend that you drop your husband off
somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep
with him."[/FONT]
nikonpup
Senior Member
Dr. Epstein
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall.
He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the [FONT=inherit !important][FONT=inherit !important]resounding [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=inherit !important][FONT=inherit !important]applause[/FONT][/FONT] and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."
Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall.
He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the [FONT=inherit !important][FONT=inherit !important]resounding [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=inherit !important][FONT=inherit !important]applause[/FONT][/FONT] and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."
Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
Last edited:
nikonpup
Senior Member
WILE E. COYOTE - STILL FUNNY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
OK, wise guys - you always wanted me to catch him. Now, what do I do?Coyote catches Road Runner - YouTube
Mfrankfort
Senior Member
I like country... haha.
nikonpup
Senior Member
An idiot is performing an experiment with a frog. He sets a frog on the ground and says "jump frog jump!"
The frog clears 12 feet easily. He brings the frog back, cuts off 1 leg and says "jump frog jump!"
The frog jumps about 7 feet. He brings the frog back again, cuts off another leg and says "jump frog jump!"
The frog makes it 3 feet. He brings the frog back again, cuts off yet another leg and says "jump frog jump!"
The frog uses its 1 remaining leg to roll over, about 4 inches. He brings the frog back one last time, cuts the last leg off, and says "jump frog jump"
No movement.
"Jump Frog Jump!'
Nothing. So he writes in his logbook "Frog with no legs can't hear anything"
The frog clears 12 feet easily. He brings the frog back, cuts off 1 leg and says "jump frog jump!"
The frog jumps about 7 feet. He brings the frog back again, cuts off another leg and says "jump frog jump!"
The frog makes it 3 feet. He brings the frog back again, cuts off yet another leg and says "jump frog jump!"
The frog uses its 1 remaining leg to roll over, about 4 inches. He brings the frog back one last time, cuts the last leg off, and says "jump frog jump"
No movement.
"Jump Frog Jump!'
Nothing. So he writes in his logbook "Frog with no legs can't hear anything"
