Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
nikonpup
Senior Member
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us yer breasts, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
"Hey, show us yer breasts, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
Dangerspouse
Senior Member
A man is driving erratically through the streets of Dublin when a police officer pulls him over.
"Harold McGee!" says the officer, "Have you been drinking?"
"Well I may have had a wee bit with lunch officer, but not enough to get me drunk" says Harold.
"Not enough to get you drunk? Did you know your wife fell out of the car two blocks back as you were making a turn, and you didn't even stop?"
"She did?" said Harold. "Thank god. I thought I'd suddenly gone deaf!"
"Harold McGee!" says the officer, "Have you been drinking?"
"Well I may have had a wee bit with lunch officer, but not enough to get me drunk" says Harold.
"Not enough to get you drunk? Did you know your wife fell out of the car two blocks back as you were making a turn, and you didn't even stop?"
"She did?" said Harold. "Thank god. I thought I'd suddenly gone deaf!"
nikonpup
Senior Member
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he swerved to avoid a tree, then another, then another. Officer Muldoon pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy frantically tells the cop about all the trees in the roadway. Officer Muldoon replies "For God's sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!”
Juan Rodriguez decided to call his Irish father-in-law the “Exorcist” because every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear.
How are you doing with your New Year’s resolutions? Paddy has been sober for 8 days. Not in a row or anything like that. Just in total.
The wind was frightful last night. Sullivan’s wife sent him out for a quart of milk and he was blown straight into the pub.
Paddy just found his Christmas spirit. It had been waiting on a shelf at the liquor store this whole time.
Paddy said, “I resent the stereotype that the Irish are all violent drunks. We’re perfectly capable of violence when sober.”
Juan Rodriguez decided to call his Irish father-in-law the “Exorcist” because every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear.
How are you doing with your New Year’s resolutions? Paddy has been sober for 8 days. Not in a row or anything like that. Just in total.
The wind was frightful last night. Sullivan’s wife sent him out for a quart of milk and he was blown straight into the pub.
Paddy just found his Christmas spirit. It had been waiting on a shelf at the liquor store this whole time.
Paddy said, “I resent the stereotype that the Irish are all violent drunks. We’re perfectly capable of violence when sober.”
nikonpup
Senior Member
Owner of a liquor shop gets a call in the middle of the night. A slightly panicky voice on the other end asks, "This is Jack Noonan, and it's kind of an
emergency. When does your shop open?" The liquor shop owner replies in an exasperated voice, "I just closed half an hour ago. So it won't open till
tomorrow morning." A couple of hours later the owner is again woken up with a call from Noonan who now sounds as though he is intoxicated, "How
long till you open? My need is urgent." The shop owner loudly says, "I told you, it won't open till morning!" A few hours later, "When will your shop
open?" cries Noonan, who is now smashed. The owner, now at the cusp of righteous wrath, shouts back, "You drunken fool! I told you - in the
morning! And you don't sound like you need any liquor by the
way your night's been going." Noonan is slightly puzzled by the shop owner's comment, so in his heavily intoxicated voice he slurs, "I've plenty of
liquor. What I need is a way out from your shop."
emergency. When does your shop open?" The liquor shop owner replies in an exasperated voice, "I just closed half an hour ago. So it won't open till
tomorrow morning." A couple of hours later the owner is again woken up with a call from Noonan who now sounds as though he is intoxicated, "How
long till you open? My need is urgent." The shop owner loudly says, "I told you, it won't open till morning!" A few hours later, "When will your shop
open?" cries Noonan, who is now smashed. The owner, now at the cusp of righteous wrath, shouts back, "You drunken fool! I told you - in the
morning! And you don't sound like you need any liquor by the
way your night's been going." Noonan is slightly puzzled by the shop owner's comment, so in his heavily intoxicated voice he slurs, "I've plenty of
liquor. What I need is a way out from your shop."
