Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
Blade Canyon
Senior Member
I've seen true stories where folks sent messages to neighbors by the names they used for their Wifi:
"We hear you (making love)"
"Your dog craps in our yard"
etc.
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
FEMALE QUARTERS ON U.S. NAVY SHIPS
Female Quarters in Navy Ship's New Female Quarters Regulations. The Department of the Navy, is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers.
While addressing all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, "Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."
And the Admiral continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a US Marine from the security detail assigned to a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"
God bless the Marine Corps! Semper fi!
Female Quarters in Navy Ship's New Female Quarters Regulations. The Department of the Navy, is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers.
While addressing all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, "Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."
And the Admiral continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a US Marine from the security detail assigned to a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"
God bless the Marine Corps! Semper fi!
RocketCowboy
Senior Member
Working in wifi, there are all kinds of fun stories
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
RocketCowboy
Senior Member
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
Guy goes into the local crane company and applies for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes caffeine. I cant drink coffee."
"OK, have you ever been in the Army? “Yes, I was in Iraq for 3 years." The interviewer says, "That will give you an extra 5 points towards employment." Then he asks "Are you disabled in any way?".
Izzy says, Yes a bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer says "Disabled in the line of duty for your Country! Well that qualifies you for bonus points.
Okay. You have enough points, I can hire you right now. Our normal working hours are from 8.00 am to 4.00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10.00am and plan on starting at 10.00 am every day.
The guy is a bit confused and asks, "if the work hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you want me here till 10.00am?" The interviewer says, "This is a crane operators job for the first 2 hours we stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
"OK, have you ever been in the Army? “Yes, I was in Iraq for 3 years." The interviewer says, "That will give you an extra 5 points towards employment." Then he asks "Are you disabled in any way?".
Izzy says, Yes a bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer says "Disabled in the line of duty for your Country! Well that qualifies you for bonus points.
Okay. You have enough points, I can hire you right now. Our normal working hours are from 8.00 am to 4.00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10.00am and plan on starting at 10.00 am every day.
The guy is a bit confused and asks, "if the work hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you want me here till 10.00am?" The interviewer says, "This is a crane operators job for the first 2 hours we stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Bikerbrent_RIP
Senior Member
Great joke, but around here it should have been city workers rather than crane operators :friendly_wink:
nikonpup
Senior Member
Letter from scout camp....
Dear Mum,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.
Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Dear Mum,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.
Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
for our british members who are thinking of removing their winter over coat.
View attachment 288749
Now you warn me
