Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

M

mikew_RIP

Senior Member
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

"Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

 
M

mikew_RIP

Senior Member
unnamed.jpg
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
"How was your blind date?"

"Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls-Royce."

"What’s so terrible about that?"

"He was the original owner."
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.”

“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested.

The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!”

“What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend.

“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”
 
S

sonicbuffalo_RIP

Senior Member
My first shot at this gig so bare with me.

A teenager just got his license and asked his father if he could borrow the car Friday night for a date. The Father said he could if he would agree to do 3 things. The son asked what they were? The Father said first you have to mow the yard, second, you have to trim the hedges, and third you have to get a haircut. The Son said ok, and proceeded to mow the grass, and then went about trimming the hedges. Friday came along and the Son asked his Dad for the car keys. The Father asked if he had completed all the tasks? The Son said, "yes". The Father looked at the Son and saw that he obviously had not cut his hair. He asked his Son why? The teen said,"well Dad, I got to thinking about that and Moses and even Jesus had long hair". His Father looked right back at the kid and said,"and they walked".
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
2 cows are grazing in a field.

1 cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?".

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!".
 
Top