Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
A woman pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She approaches the mechanic and tells him her car just died.
The mechanic spends a few minutes working on the car and gets it working smoothly again.
The woman looks at the mechanic and says, "So, what's the story?"
The mechanic replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
In a state of amazement she answers, "How often do I have to do that?"
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
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nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night, the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same s*xy negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, “Honey, do you remember this?”
He looked up at her and said, “Yes, dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”
She said, “That’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nodded and said, “Yes, dear, I still remember.”
“Well, what was it?” she asked.
He responded, “As I remember, I said, ‘Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big t*ts and screw your brains out.'”
She giggled and said, “Yes, honey, that’s exactly what you said. So, now it’s 50 years later, and I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”
Again, he looked up at her, and he replied, “Mission accomplished.”
 
nikonpup

nikonpup

Senior Member
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows up?'
The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.
 
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