Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
nikonpup
Senior Member
Dangerspouse
Senior Member
Somebody found their 1969 edition of "World's Best Lawyer Jokes", I see
Were these in there:
What do you call skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
.
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the snake.
.
An old man is at his lawyer's office making out his will. It's just routine paperwork, after which the lawyer charges his client a hundred dollars. The old man reaches into his wallet and pulls out a hundred dollar bill and hands it over, but fails to notice that there's a second hundred dollar stuck to the back of it. So now the lawyer has an ethical dilemma: should he tell his partner.
.
A wealthy tycoon is dying and he calls his doctor, his lawyer, and his priest to his bedside. "You have been my three closest friends for many years" he says to them. "I know I don't have much longer to live, so I just have one last favor to ask you." He hands each of them a large envelope. "Inside each envelope is 2 million dollars cash. I want to take it with me. Please, when you come up to my coffin to pay your respects slip your envelope under my body so I can be buried with it all."
They all agree, and leave. Next week the old man dies, and they all dutifully slip their envelopes under his body as he requested.
After the funeral they meet at a local diner for some lunch. The priest says, "I can't hold it in any longer. You know our parish has been trying to build that orphanage, but we just haven't had the funds. I took 200 thousand dollars out of my envelope so we could finish the project. Knowing how many kids' live are going to be saved, I don't think our friend would have minded."
The other two looked down at the table, until finally the doctor spoke up. "I too removed money from my envelope. Our hospital has been hampered by not having necessary diagnostic tools in our cancer ward, and people are dying. The 300 thousand dollars I took will make a huge difference in the health of this entire community, and I'm sure our friend would have approved."
Then the lawyer spoke. "I'm ashamed of you both" he said. "That man was our friend, and dead or not we gave our word that we would follow his instructions. As for myself, I want you to know that the envelope I slipped under his body contained my personal check for the full amount...."