Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
Whiskeyman
Senior Member
nikonpup
Senior Member
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[FONT="] How to tell if someone is a Republican, a Democrat, or just a Southerner Are you a Republican, a Democrat, or a Southerner? This little test will help you decide:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes
with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are
carrying a Kimber 1911 chambered in .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You
have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
******************************
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber
1911 and what does .45 ACP mean?
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty
of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand? What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying
a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and
to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want
to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a
consensus. This is all so confusing!
******************************
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
******************************
Southerner's Answer:
BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click...
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
Click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Speer Gold Dots or Federal
Premium hollow points?!"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!"
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You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes
with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are
carrying a Kimber 1911 chambered in .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You
have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
******************************
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber
1911 and what does .45 ACP mean?
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty
of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand? What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying
a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and
to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want
to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a
consensus. This is all so confusing!
******************************
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
******************************
Southerner's Answer:
BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click...
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
Click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Speer Gold Dots or Federal
Premium hollow points?!"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!"
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Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
I am a Southerner and Republican
Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
His parents told him he could name his new pet dog and since he was a mischievous little boy, he decided to name the dog Sex. It seems funny at first until you imagine all the confusion that this caused.
One day, I went to the town hall to get a dog license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex.
He said, “I’d like to have one, too.”
Then, I said, “You don’t understand. She’s a dog.”
He replied, “Look man, I don’t care how she looks.”
“No no, I’ve had Sex since I was 5!”
He replied, “You must have been an early bloomer.”
When I decided to get married, I told the minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me I’d have to wait until after the wedding.
When I protested that Sex had played a big part in my life and that my whole life revolved around Sex, he said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life.
After my wife and I got married, I took the dog with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the hotel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and wanted one for Sex.
She replied, “Sir, every room in the hotel can be used for sex.”
I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.”
The clerk said, “Me too!”
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. When I told the Judge I had Sex before I was married, he grinned and said, “Me too.”
One day my dog Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this alley at midnight.
I told him, “I’m looking for Sex!”
My case comes up next Tuesday.
Now that I’ve been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever imagined, I’m in counseling. My psychiatrist asked me what my problem was.
I said, “Sex has left my life. It’s like losing a best friend and I’m so lonely.”
He said, “Look, you and I both know that sex isn’t man’s best friend. Why don’t you go get yourself a dog…”
The next one will probably be named Death.He said, “I’d like to have one, too.”
Then, I said, “You don’t understand. She’s a dog.”
He replied, “Look man, I don’t care how she looks.”
“No no, I’ve had Sex since I was 5!”
He replied, “You must have been an early bloomer.”
When I decided to get married, I told the minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me I’d have to wait until after the wedding.
When I protested that Sex had played a big part in my life and that my whole life revolved around Sex, he said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life.
After my wife and I got married, I took the dog with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the hotel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and wanted one for Sex.
She replied, “Sir, every room in the hotel can be used for sex.”
I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.”
The clerk said, “Me too!”
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. When I told the Judge I had Sex before I was married, he grinned and said, “Me too.”
One day my dog Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this alley at midnight.
I told him, “I’m looking for Sex!”
My case comes up next Tuesday.
Now that I’ve been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever imagined, I’m in counseling. My psychiatrist asked me what my problem was.
I said, “Sex has left my life. It’s like losing a best friend and I’m so lonely.”
He said, “Look, you and I both know that sex isn’t man’s best friend. Why don’t you go get yourself a dog…”
me too
