Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

[Patrick M]

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree.

He called a gorilla removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.

“Now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner, “I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground.

The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on.”

“Ok, got it,” the homeowner replied, “but… what’s that shotgun for?”

“If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,” the man said, “shoot the Chihuahua.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[JH Foto]

Where do we get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.

 

[JH Foto]

 

[nikonpup]

 

[nikonpup]

[FONT=&quot]To all of my BLONDE friends!![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ENJOY A blondes year!![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]January[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]February[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]March[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said ' 2-4 years!' [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]April[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]July[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms!!![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]August[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]September[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]November[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days ...
Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]December[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and Stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?' To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
(Are you ready? This is a beauty)
'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'[/FONT]

 

[Don Kuykendall_RIP]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Hunting Flies", He responded."

She asked "Oh! Killing any?"

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He replied, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone...

 

[nikonpup]

 

[JH Foto]

[h=4]Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?[/h]Everything’s fine. He woke up.

 

[nikonpup]

wildlife preserve

 

[nikonpup]

 

[mikew_RIP]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother Colin
.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

 

[JH Foto]

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.


So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”


One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”


So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”


That’s about as far as I remember.

 

[nikonpup]

Re: Post your latest purchases.

 

[nikonpup]

Re: Post your latest purchases.

 

[nikonpup]

Re: Post your latest purchases.

 

[nikonpup]

Re: Post your latest purchases.

 

[JH Foto]

[h=4]What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?[/h]It gets toad away.

 

[Don Kuykendall_RIP]

You probably have to be from the Southern USA to get this one .

 

[JH Foto]

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “

Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

 

[JH Foto]