Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

rick.osgood

Senior Member
My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.


Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.


I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.


She sent me back to the principal's office.


He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most.


I told her, "Colonel Sanders."


Guess where I am now...
 

rick.osgood

Senior Member
I.R.S.

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his
deckhand
and sent an agent to investigate him.[FONT=&quot]




IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".[FONT=&quot]


[/FONT]


Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3
years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own
room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen
Budweiser's every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to
sleep with my wife occasionally".

[FONT=&quot]IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would[/FONT]
you like to know"?[/FONT]
 

Fortkentdad

Senior Member
I watched as the local pastor pounded a big sign in front of the church.

"The End is Near - Turn Around Now - Or all will be lost"

A car speed by and the driver yelled out "Silly religious nut case!"

The car turned the corner and then we heard a big splash.

The pastor thought for a moment and said "Maybe I should add "BRIDGE OUT" to that sign?
 
I watched as the local pastor pounded a big sign in front of the church.

"The End is Near - Turn Around Now - Or all will be lost"

A car speed by and the driver yelled out "Silly religious nut case!"

The car turned the corner and then we heard a big splash.

The pastor thought for a moment and said "Maybe I should add "BRIDGE OUT" to that sign?

An oldie but goodie


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

nikonpup

Senior Member
14237501_1792083461007993_762458090517976867_n.jpg
 

Fortkentdad

Senior Member
From a FB post that came my way.... no idea how true it is - but who cares.

___________

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

 
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