Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

[JH Foto]

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

 

[Whiskeyman]

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from Auburn University and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.

Wow, a snip at Auburn from across the Atlantic!! Don Kuykendall needs to see this!!

WM

 

[kevy73]

 

[kevy73]

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said "I want you to try and sell this to me."


So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.


Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"


I said, "$200 and it's yours."

 

[Don Kuykendall_RIP]

Wow, a snip at Auburn from across the Atlantic!! Don Kuykendall needs to see this!!

WM

I did and loved it. Roll Tide

 

[JH Foto]

I'm really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.

 

[Woodyg3]

I live on a one-way, dead end street.

 

[Whiskeyman]

A man walks into a bar and pulls out an 1911 .45 automatic and yells out "I've got a .45 loaded with seven rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber and I'm looking for who here slept with my wife!" and then proceeds to hold up a photo of his wife.

After a pronounced and prolonged silence in the bar, a voice is heard from the back of the room, saying "Eight rounds? He's going to need more ammo than that!"


WM

 

[Don Kuykendall_RIP]

I live on a one-way, dead end street.

So you don't get out much then.

 

[kevy73]

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!

 

[nikonpup]

 

[JH Foto]

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

 

[JH Foto]

My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he's a man after my own heart."

 

[Don Kuykendall_RIP]

yes I am old

 

[JH Foto]

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

 

[singlerosa_RIP]

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

Wish you could get away with that. More like Incorrect2#

 

[Fortkentdad]

Of all the poop in the world - who decided that Bat Shit was the craziest?

 

[Don Kuykendall_RIP]

Of all the poop in the world - who decided that Bat Shit was the craziest?

There was a vote. Weren't you informed? Oh sorry, Canada wasn't part of the world wide vote.

 

[nikonpup]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Subject:[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Senior Inspiration[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]




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[FONT=&quot]1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 to go ...[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]2. Ate salad for dinner …Mostly croutons & tomatoes ... Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese... FINE, it was a pizza... I ate a pizza … [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]3. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some Meat ...[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web ... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]5. I don't mean to brag but… I finished my limited 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes ... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it... when I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel...no remote controller. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero and a snow flake fell they closed school? Me neither. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this ... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]11. I love being over 70 … I learn something new every day … and forget 5 others ... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]12. A thief broke into my house last night … He was searching for money in the dark… so I woke up and turned on the lights and dedided to searched with him... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]13. My dentist told me I need a Crown … I said, "You bet, pour mine over rocks" … [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]



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[FONT=&quot]14. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day ... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

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[FONT=&quot]15. My doctor told me make a list of all the places that hurt when I get up in the morning. I told him that I would prefer to list all the places that didn't hurt. Makes for a much shorter list.....[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

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[FONT=&quot]16. When I was young the fun parts of me would get stiff. Now it's the only part that doesn't.....[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

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[FONT=&quot]17. I have decided I am now nine of the Seven Dwarfs. Cranky, grouchy, itchy, bitchy, crabby, achy, gritchy, irritable and grumpy. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

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[FONT=&quot]"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed." Trouble is, it's all down hill from here.[/FONT]









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[JH Foto]

There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know.