Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
The dentist & the golfer
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30already...
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth honey, and show him . . . .”
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30already...
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth honey, and show him . . . .”
singlerosa_RIP
Senior Member
not as funny the second time around (see page 106)
I didn't see it before. Sorry.
Michael J.
Senior Member
A man comes home from an exhausting day at
work, plops down on the couch in front of the
television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer
before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him
a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another
beer before it starts." She looks cross, but
fetches another beer and slams it down next to
him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes
later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's
going to start any minute."
The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that
all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and
sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a
lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."
The man sighs and says, "It's started..."
work, plops down on the couch in front of the
television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer
before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him
a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another
beer before it starts." She looks cross, but
fetches another beer and slams it down next to
him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes
later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's
going to start any minute."
The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that
all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and
sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a
lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."
The man sighs and says, "It's started..."
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.
Michael J.
Senior Member
Son said to Dad "I'm Gay."
Dad looks at his other son and said "What about you?"
Other son said "Me too Dad."
Dad said "F*** me, doesn't anyone in this f***ing family like pussy?"
The Daughter said "I do."
Dad looks at his other son and said "What about you?"
Other son said "Me too Dad."
Dad said "F*** me, doesn't anyone in this f***ing family like pussy?"
The Daughter said "I do."
Fortkentdad
Senior Member
Michael J.
Senior Member
An Australian preacher addressing his outback congregation said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, an Aboriginal man got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Henry, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Henry replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Henry's ear, placed his other hand on top of Henry's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Henry, how is your hearing now?"
Henry answered, "I don't know. It ain't until next week."
With that, an Aboriginal man got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Henry, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Henry replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Henry's ear, placed his other hand on top of Henry's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Henry, how is your hearing now?"
Henry answered, "I don't know. It ain't until next week."
n the early hours of the morning he finally regained consciousness. He was in hospital and in agonising pain with tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask and wires monitoring every function. It slowly occurred to him that he was in a life-threatening situation.
A nurse leant over him, looked straight into the eyes and very slowly said; "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
That, my friend, is a POSITIVE ATTITUDE!
A nurse leant over him, looked straight into the eyes and very slowly said; "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
That, my friend, is a POSITIVE ATTITUDE!
