Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
nikonpup
Senior Member
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
nikonpup
Senior Member
[h=3]Irish Racing Story[/h] Racing is a national pastime, I soon got accustomed to the Reverend fathers, rushing past me to get a bet on at the race track.
My mate Trev spotted one Reverend father making a big fuss of a horse in the parade ring.
Amazingly the horse went on to win the next race easily.
We took great interest when we saw the same Reverend father bless another horse in the next race, blow me, this horse won too.
Well we were hot on the Reverend father's coat tails for the third race and as soon as he patted a horse called Foxy Loxy, we raced off to get the best odds we could with the bookies.
Foxy Loxy was well up with the pace on the first circuit, but down the back straight for the second time, Foxy Loxy dropped to the rear.
Then to our chagrin it dropped dead by the water jump.
When we went back to the bar we fell into conversation with a local, and told him the tale of the Reverend father.
'Be gora' he said, 'you have to learn the difference between when Reverend Murphy is blessing a horse and when he is giving it the last rites' .
My mate Trev spotted one Reverend father making a big fuss of a horse in the parade ring.
Amazingly the horse went on to win the next race easily.
We took great interest when we saw the same Reverend father bless another horse in the next race, blow me, this horse won too.
Well we were hot on the Reverend father's coat tails for the third race and as soon as he patted a horse called Foxy Loxy, we raced off to get the best odds we could with the bookies.
Foxy Loxy was well up with the pace on the first circuit, but down the back straight for the second time, Foxy Loxy dropped to the rear.
Then to our chagrin it dropped dead by the water jump.
When we went back to the bar we fell into conversation with a local, and told him the tale of the Reverend father.
'Be gora' he said, 'you have to learn the difference between when Reverend Murphy is blessing a horse and when he is giving it the last rites' .
[FONT="]Two policemen (Constable Ken and Bob) call the station on the radio.
"Hello. Is that the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping
on the floor she had just mopped clean."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
NO!!!!The floor is still wet."
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"Hello. Is that the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping
on the floor she had just mopped clean."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
NO!!!!The floor is still wet."
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I was sincerely hoping someone would catch on and finish that out. Nice job Roy.
nikonpup
Senior Member
IS THERE AN END? Hokey cokey - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Fortkentdad
Senior Member
NEWS FLASH
Nikon decides to diversify.
Given their proven track record at producing perfectly round objects it was a logical choice to branch into the tire market.
Seriously, was searching Kijiji for something from Nikon and this pops up.
For the curious the poster must have meant Nokian tires.
Nikon decides to diversify.
Given their proven track record at producing perfectly round objects it was a logical choice to branch into the tire market.
Seriously, was searching Kijiji for something from Nikon and this pops up.
For the curious the poster must have meant Nokian tires.
nikonpup
Senior Member
[FONT="] [FONT="] A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area, so he went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look
The midget dropped his pants, the doctor lifted him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to turn his head and cough again.
"Aha," said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, and then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered that his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t feel a thing. What did you do?"
The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of each of your cowboy boots."
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The midget dropped his pants, the doctor lifted him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to turn his head and cough again.
"Aha," said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, and then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered that his testicles were no longer aching.
The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t feel a thing. What did you do?"
The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of each of your cowboy boots."
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