Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution “this guy looks edible, but I've never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace.
The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly “mmm…that was some good lion meat!”. The lion abruptly stops and says ” woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can”.
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. The monkey realises the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return.
So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily “get on my back, we’ll get him together”.
So they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them and realised what happened and starts to panic .
But he then shouts “where the hell is that monkey?
I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace.
The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly “mmm…that was some good lion meat!”. The lion abruptly stops and says ” woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can”.
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. The monkey realises the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return.
So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily “get on my back, we’ll get him together”.
So they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them and realised what happened and starts to panic .
But he then shouts “where the hell is that monkey?
I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”
When I was a child
Pasta had not been invented.
Curry was a surname.
A takeaway was a mathematical problem.
A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.
Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether
to put the salt on or not.
A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter.
Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our
dinner.
A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.
Brown bread was something only poor people ate.
Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking
Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.
Coffee was Camp, and came in a bottle.
Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.
Only Heinz made beans.
Fish didn't have fingers in those days.
Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi.
None of us had ever heard of yogurt.
Healthy food consisted of anything edible.
People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy.
Indian restaurants were only found in India.
Cooking outside was called camping.
Seaweed was not a recognised food.
"Kebab" was not even a word never mind a food.
Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded
as being white gold.
Prunes were medicinal.
Surprisingly muesli was readily available, it was called
cattle feed.
Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a
picture of a real one..
Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested
bottling it and charging more than petrol for it they would
have become a laughing stock.
The one thing that we never ever had on our table in the
fifties .. was elbows!
Pasta had not been invented.
Curry was a surname.
A takeaway was a mathematical problem.
A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.
Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether
to put the salt on or not.
A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter.
Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our
dinner.
A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.
Brown bread was something only poor people ate.
Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking
Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.
Coffee was Camp, and came in a bottle.
Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.
Only Heinz made beans.
Fish didn't have fingers in those days.
Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi.
None of us had ever heard of yogurt.
Healthy food consisted of anything edible.
People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy.
Indian restaurants were only found in India.
Cooking outside was called camping.
Seaweed was not a recognised food.
"Kebab" was not even a word never mind a food.
Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded
as being white gold.
Prunes were medicinal.
Surprisingly muesli was readily available, it was called
cattle feed.
Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a
picture of a real one..
Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested
bottling it and charging more than petrol for it they would
have become a laughing stock.
The one thing that we never ever had on our table in the
fifties .. was elbows!