A Conversation in Heaven
SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.
WANDA: Hi Sylvia. How'd you die?
SYLVIA: I froze to death.
WANDA: How horrible!
SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking fromthe cold, I began to get warm & sleepy,and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating on me,so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himselfin the den watching TV.
SYLVIA: So, what happened?
WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started runningall over the house looking. I ran up intothe attic and searched, and down into thebasement. Then I went through every closetand checked under all the beds. I kept this upuntil I had looked everywhere, and finallyI became so exhausted that I just keeled overwith a heart attack and died.
SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
During WWII, a B17 is shot down over germany and the crew is taken prisoner. The navigator, upon his landing after parachuting out of the airplane, breaks both his legs and one arm.
After a few weeks, one of his legs becomes infected. Therefore, he asks for it to be cut it off. After the amputation, the navigator asks the Gestapo to send his leg back home to his base. They agree and do it.
A few weeks later, they have to do the same to his other leg. Once again, he asks them to send his leg back home to his base. They comply.
Another week later, his arm gets infected and he asks for them to amputate again. They say, "Nein!! we can no longer do this for you!"
THe navigator is a bit perplexed and asks, "why?"
They reply, "Because, we think you are trying to escape!"
How do you tell if some one is a real photographer? You ask them to answer this question. Suppose you were walking through the woods and you came upon a clearing. In that clearing is a lake and in the lake is a man is obviously drowning. Now you only have time to do one of the following - save his life or take a photo. Now here's the question. Which lens should you use?
Two photographers walking along a street and they pass a beggar sitting with his hat up-ended on the pavement, begging for money. One guy keeps walking. The other stops. Later when they catch up with each other the first guy says to the other. "Hey I saw you stop for that beggar. What did you give him?"
Yesterday my niece again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week." I told her. She fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.