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Wayne. I understand what you're saying, but with a longer lens zooming in I get a better bokeh at a smaller aperture.
Lets see anyway. This is with the 55-200.
These were taken at a distance about 4 feet.
Same as before, the 1st pic in each set is no flash.
Well, if the focal length is 2x longer, then for the same view, we stand back 2x farther, and same view should just about equal out on depth of field. Opposing effects.
It may even be less instead of more bokeh..
2 feet to subject, 4 feet to background
vs
4 feet to subject, 6 feet to background (2 more feet), which to the background, is only 50% more instead of 2x.
Saying, telephoto compresses the subject.
As to the flash, my first hasty thought was this second pass seemed to make the flash less effective. But it should do fill at four feet, and looking at the third set, I think that was clearly wrong. Because the dark shadow of the near and middle petals on the middle and far petals, using fill obviously shows a much lighter shadow from the sun.
But, you can always use Flash Compensation to tweak the flash if you want it other ways. + EV to brighten the flash, and -EV to weaken the flash.