Don Kuykendall_RIP
RIP :(
Going to have to share this with my Camera Club. The Canon shooters will love it. LOL
Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
- Thread starter TedG954
- Start date
Going to have to share this with my Camera Club. The Canon shooters will love it. LOL
Late breaking story from ESPN Sportscenter.... Pete Carroll, former head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, is reported to be very near to signing on as a special consultant to The Pope in Vatican City. The Pope looks to recruit Carroll to be a spokesman for the Catholic Church because he is the first man in history that made 100 million people jump up and yell "Jesus Christ!" at the same time.
Daniel Aegerter
Senior Member
A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report
that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home....
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We'll find your truck.
Three Women
Three women went down to Mexico to celebrate their graduations from college. They went from bar to bar and proceeded to get drunk. And the next morning they wake up in jail and were told they were to be electrocuted for the crimes they had committed the previous night. They had been do drunk they had no idea what they had done.
They strapped the first woman (a red head) in the chair and asked if she had any last words and she said, I am a graduate of Trinity bible college and I believe the almighty God will intervene on behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens, they all fell to their knees and began praying and released her.
They strapped the second woman (a black head) into the chair and asked if she had any last words and she said I am a graduate of Illinois school of law and I believe that justice will intervene to protect the innocent. They throw the switch and again nothing happens, and they released her.
They strapped the third woman ( you guessed it, A blonde) and asked if she had any last words and she said yes I do I have an electrical engineering degree from the university of Michigan, and if y"all don't plug this thing in you ain't gonna electrocute nobody.
They strapped the first woman (a red head) in the chair and asked if she had any last words and she said, I am a graduate of Trinity bible college and I believe the almighty God will intervene on behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens, they all fell to their knees and began praying and released her.
They strapped the second woman (a black head) into the chair and asked if she had any last words and she said I am a graduate of Illinois school of law and I believe that justice will intervene to protect the innocent. They throw the switch and again nothing happens, and they released her.
They strapped the third woman ( you guessed it, A blonde) and asked if she had any last words and she said yes I do I have an electrical engineering degree from the university of Michigan, and if y"all don't plug this thing in you ain't gonna electrocute nobody.
Fortkentdad
Senior Member
Someday my ship will come in,
While I'm waiting at the airport.
While I'm waiting at the airport.
Fortkentdad
Senior Member
I must have eaten too much Rice Krispies in my long life . . . because now all my body seems to want to do is go "snap, crackle and pop".
Fortkentdad
Senior Member
You may be a workaholic if ...
you are getting ready to go to work on Monday morning, thinking of what needs to be done this week, then start to panic because you realize that the day after tomorrow the week will be half done and you have not done a darn thing yet.
you are getting ready to go to work on Monday morning, thinking of what needs to be done this week, then start to panic because you realize that the day after tomorrow the week will be half done and you have not done a darn thing yet.
Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for Christmas. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for Christmas. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'
This showed up in my Facebook news feed. Since we have been hovering around 0° during the nights, it might be applicable even for this area.
Consider this stolen!
nikonpup
Senior Member
[FONT="] Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Windows frozen, won't open."[/FONT]
[FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]Husband texts back:[/FONT][FONT="]
[FONT="]"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it [/FONT][/FONT][FONT="]and gently tap edges with hammer."[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Windows frozen, won't open."[/FONT]
[FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]Husband texts back:[/FONT][FONT="]
[FONT="]"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it [/FONT][/FONT][FONT="]and gently tap edges with hammer."[/FONT]
[FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]Wife texts back 5 minutes later:[/FONT][FONT="]
[FONT="]"Computer really messed up now.”[/FONT][/FONT]
nikonpup
Senior Member
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a goat walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover."
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a goat walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Fortkentdad
Senior Member
What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted
Outlaws are wanted
nikonpup
Senior Member
Alligator Short Jokes
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What's the similarity between a Alligator and Windows?
A: Neither of them has enough bytes!
Q: How many arms has a alligator got?
A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner!
Q: Why don't alligators like fast food?
A: Because they can't catch it!
Q: What do you get if you cross a alligator with a flower?
A: I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!
Q: Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
A: It's filled with liti-gators.
Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A: A Navi-gator.
Q: What do alligators call human children?
A: Appetizers.
Q: Who gives alligators presents on Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: What's worse than one alligator coming to dinner?
A: Two alligators coming to dinner
Q: Why are alligators comedians so funny?
A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Q: Why won't alligators attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy!