We are clearly of similar minds... But jeeze man you gotta dump the zoom. I have a huge number of bags... Have been on a mission for perfection. Bag that is very close to perfect is The Bare Bones Bag, Evolution. I use it for the. Symphony, Plays, and other events when I must be discrete. It will fit the D 700, actually it may fit the zoom and your lenses... But it is gonna be like a small bag of rocks. I also carry my sun glasses, mini iPad, check book, and fountain pens.
Consider going a step further. I bought a Fuji XE-1 with a 18 - 50mm zoom and 35mm f 1.4. I'll get a 14mm soon. Anyway, it is light and the APS-C sensor is really good in low light ( for a APS-C) sensor! This is really a mall discrete system. I would say equivalent or better IQ and low light than the D700 (I have a D700 and D800), probably it is better on both accounts. Really outstanding system.
Also, I got a small Frost River Shoulder Bag, a camera insert, and had Frost River add a handle, it is nt much bigger than the BBB but easily fits a full sized IPad. Would fit your rig I think, but is a bit outdoorsy, depending on you lifestyle.
I got a few really expensive ones, but they are boxy or just big. JD