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Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
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<blockquote data-quote="TedG954" data-source="post: 551020" data-attributes="member: 9701"><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Different points of view.............</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really Good with the kids.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">1. The DNA all matches. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">2. There are no dental records. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'How was he killed?' asked one detective. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Joe: 'Really?' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'What did he say,' asked the nurse. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'Oops!' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">He's still in intensive care. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">___________________________________________</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #141823"><span style="font-family: 'helvetica'">The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there' .</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TedG954, post: 551020, member: 9701"] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]Different points of view.............[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values. Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really Good with the kids.' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records. ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!' ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care. ___________________________________________[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#141823][FONT=helvetica]The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there' .[/FONT][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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