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<blockquote data-quote="nikonpup" data-source="post: 522947" data-attributes="member: 9922"><p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Mark Twain[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- George Burns[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Victor Borge[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Mark Twain[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Socrates[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Groucho Marx[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Jimmy Durante[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Zsa Zsa Gabor[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Alex Levine[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Rodney Dangerfield[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Spike Milligan[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was <strong>SHUT UP</strong>.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Joe Namath[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Bob Hope[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- W. C. Fields[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Will Rogers[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Winston Churchill[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Phyllis Diller[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]<><>[/FONT]</span></u> </p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- Billy Crystal[/FONT]</span></u></p> </p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]And the cardiologist's diet: [/FONT]</span></u><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]- [/FONT]</span></u><u><span style="color: black">[FONT=&quot]If it tastes good spit it out.[/FONT]</span></u></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> </p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nikonpup, post: 522947, member: 9922"] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Mark Twain[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- George Burns[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Victor Borge[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Mark Twain[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Socrates[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Groucho Marx[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Jimmy Durante[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Zsa Zsa Gabor[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Alex Levine[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Rodney Dangerfield[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Spike Milligan[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was [B]SHUT UP[/B].[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Joe Namath[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Bob Hope[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- W. C. Fields[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Will Rogers[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Winston Churchill[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Phyllis Diller[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]<><>[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- Billy Crystal[/FONT][/COLOR][/U][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/CENTER][/CENTER] [CENTER][CENTER][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]And the cardiologist's diet: [/FONT][/COLOR][/U][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]- [/FONT][/COLOR][/U][U][COLOR=black][FONT="]If it tastes good spit it out.[/FONT][/COLOR][/U] [/CENTER][/CENTER] [/QUOTE]
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