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<blockquote data-quote="mikew_RIP" data-source="post: 480566" data-attributes="member: 14174">Why I Like&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Retirement !Question: How many days in&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; a week?Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Sunday Question: When is a&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; retiree's bedtime?Answer: Two hours after&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; retirees to change a light bulb?Answer: Only one, but it&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; might take all day. Question: What's the&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; biggest gripe of retirees?Answer:There is not enough time&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; to get everything done. Question: Why don't&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; retirees mind being called Seniors?Answer: The term comes&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; with a 10% discount. Question: Among retirees,&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; what is considered formal attire?Answer: Tied&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; shoes. Question: Why do retirees&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; count pennies?Answer:They are the&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; only ones who have the time.Question: What is the&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; retire?Answer:NUTS!Question: Why are retirees&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; so slow to clean out the basement, attic or&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; garage?Ans&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; wer: They know that&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; stuff there. Question: What do retirees&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; call a long lunch?Answer: Normal&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ........&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; Question:What is the best&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; way to describe retirement?Answer: The never ending&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Coffee Break. Question: What's the&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Answer: If you cut&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; to tell the whole truth. And, my very&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; favorite.... QUESTION: What do you do&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; all week?Answer: Monday through&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday &amp; Sunday, I&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; rest. SERENITY&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;
<table style='width: 100%'><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
Just&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; the very elderly widow and asked, 
'How old was your&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; husband?' '98,' she replied.... 
'Two&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; years older than me' 
'So you're 96,' the undertaker&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; commented.. 
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home,&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; is it? 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
Reporters&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 
'And what&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; do you think is the best thing 
about&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; being 104?' the reporter asked... 
She simply&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; replied, 'No peer pressure.' 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
The nice&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; thing about being senile is 
you can hide your own&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Easter eggs 
 
 
&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; and&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; have fun finding them 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
I've sure&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; gotten old! 
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; replacement, 
new&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; knees,&nbsp; and diabetes. 
I'm half&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; blind, 
can't&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 
take 40&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; different medications that 
make me dizzy, winded,&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; and subject to 
blackouts. 
Have bouts with&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; dementia. 
Have poor circulation; 
hardly feel my&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; hands and feet anymore. 
Can't remember if I'm 85 or&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 92. 
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, 
I&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; still have my driver's license. 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
I feel like my&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; body has gotten totally out of shape, 
so I got&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; my doctor's permission to 
join a&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; fitness club and start exercising. 
I decided&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; to take an aerobics class for seniors. 
I bent,&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; an hour. But, 
by the time I 
got my leotards on,&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 
the class&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; was over. 
 
</td></tr><tr><td></td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
My&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 
Also, my&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
Know how&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; to prevent sagging? 
Just eat&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; till the wrinkles fill out. 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
It's&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; scary when you start making the same noises 
as your&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; coffee maker. 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
These&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; days about half the stuff 
in my&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; shopping cart says, 
'For fast&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; relief.' 
 
</td></tr><tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; 
 
THE&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; SENILITY PRAYER : 
Grant me&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; the senility to forget the people 
I never&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; liked anyway, 
the good&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; fortune to run into the ones I do, and 
the&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; eyesight to tell the 
difference. 
 
</td></tr></table>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; </blockquote>

[QUOTE="mikew_RIP, post: 480566, member: 14174"] [B][U][COLOR=#990000]Why[/COLOR][/U][/B][U][COLOR=#990000] [B]I[/B] [B]Like Retirement ![/B] [/COLOR][/U][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] How many days in a week?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000] [B] Question:[/B][/COLOR][COLOR=#000099] When is a retiree's bedtime?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] How many retirees to change a light bulb?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] Only one, but it might take all day.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] What's the biggest gripe of retirees?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=black]There is not enough time to get everything done.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] The term comes with a 10% discount.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [B]Question:[/B][/COLOR][COLOR=#000099] Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] Tied shoes.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] Why do retirees count pennies?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#7F3F00]They are the only ones who have the time.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#7F3F00]NUTS![/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Ans wer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. [/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] What do retirees call a long lunch?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] Normal ........[/COLOR] [B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#0000BF]What is the best way to describe retirement?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] The never ending Coffee Break.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? [/COLOR][B][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.[/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099]Question:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] He is too polite to tell the whole truth.[/COLOR][COLOR=#990000] [/COLOR][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][COLOR=#000099]And, my very favorite.... [/COLOR][B][COLOR=#990000]QUESTION:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#000099] What do you do all week?[/COLOR][B][COLOR=#000099] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]Answer:[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=#990000] Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.[/COLOR][COLOR=#990000] [/COLOR][B][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]SERENITY[/COLOR][/B] [TABLE="width: 61"] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.... [/COLOR][COLOR=red] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=#400080] [/COLOR][COLOR=#400080] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: [/COLOR][COLOR=#400080] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]'And what do you think is the best thing [/COLOR][COLOR=#400080] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]about being 104?' the reporter asked... She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=#FF0080] [/COLOR][COLOR=#FF0080] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs[/COLOR] [COLOR=#FF0080]and have fun finding them[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR][COLOR=purple] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, [/COLOR][COLOR=purple] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]new knees, and diabetes. [/COLOR][COLOR=purple] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]I'm half blind, [/COLOR][COLOR=purple] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, [/COLOR][COLOR=purple] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][COLOR=black]I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, [/COLOR][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]so I got my doctor's permission to [/COLOR][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]join a fitness club and start exercising. [/COLOR][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. [/COLOR][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, [/COLOR][COLOR=blue] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]the class was over.[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"][/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=#800040] [/COLOR][COLOR=#800040] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. [/COLOR][COLOR=#800040] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=#0080C0] [/COLOR][COLOR=#0080C0] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]Know how to prevent sagging? [/COLOR][COLOR=#0080C0] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR][COLOR=green] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]It's scary when you start making the same noises [/COLOR][COLOR=green] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]as your coffee maker.[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [COLOR=fuchsia] [/COLOR][COLOR=fuchsia] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]These days about half the stuff [/COLOR][COLOR=fuchsia] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]in my shopping cart says, [/COLOR][COLOR=fuchsia] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]'For fast relief.'[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 99%"] [B][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=maroon] [/COLOR][/B][B][COLOR=#990000]THE SENILITY PRAYER :[/COLOR][/B][COLOR=maroon] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]Grant me the senility to forget the people [/COLOR][COLOR=maroon] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]I never liked anyway, [/COLOR][COLOR=maroon] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and [/COLOR][COLOR=maroon] [/COLOR][COLOR=#990000]the eyesight to tell the difference.[/COLOR] [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]

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