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Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
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<blockquote data-quote="mikew_RIP" data-source="post: 405584" data-attributes="member: 14174"><p><strong>Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Old age is coming at a really bad time!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.</strong></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p> <strong>Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... </strong></p><p><strong>that makes it a plant which means ... </strong></p><p><strong>chocolate is Salad !!! </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mikew_RIP, post: 405584, member: 14174"] [B]Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller![/B] [B]Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet![/B] [B]I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks![/B] [B]I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off![/B] [B]Old age is coming at a really bad time![/B] [B]When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation![/B] [B]The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."[/B] [B]Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap![/B] [B]I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.[/B] [B]My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.[/B] [B]Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.[/B] [B]If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.[/B] [B]The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".[/B] [B]I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.[/B] [B]When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?[/B] [B]I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it![/B] [B]Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound![/B] [B]Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?[/B] [B]Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.[/B] [B]Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.[/B] [B]Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?[/B] [B]At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.[/B] [B]Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ... chocolate is Salad !!! [/B] [/QUOTE]
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