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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Don Kuykendall_RIP" data-source="post: 330351" data-attributes="member: 6277">[h=1]Red Skelton's Recipe for a Perfect Marriage[/h]1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas..3. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'</blockquote>