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<blockquote data-quote="WileyCoyote" data-source="post: 169917" data-attributes="member: 14124">RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have alittle beverage, good food and companionship.She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..3.I take my wife everywhere,but she keeps finding her way back.4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.&quot;Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!&quot; she said.So I suggested the kitchen.5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.6. She has an electric blender, electrictoaster and electric bread maker.She said &quot;There are too many gadgets, and no placeto sit down!&quot; So I bought her an electric chair.7. My wife told me the car wasn't running wellbecause there was water in the carburetor.I asked where the car was. She told me, &quot;In the lake.&quot;8.She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off.9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, &quot;Am I too latefor the garbage?&quot; The driver said, &quot;No, jump in!&quot;.10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know herfirst name was ' Always'.12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.I don't like to interrupt her.13.The last fight was my fault though.My wife asked, &quot;What's on the TV?&quot;I said, &quot;Dust!&quot;.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="WileyCoyote, post: 169917, member: 14124"] RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .. 3.I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake." 8.She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!". 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was ' Always'. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13.The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!". [/QUOTE]

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