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  1. #21
    Happy to be Canadian
    Super Mod
    Marcel's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    A pedestrian gets hit by a truck while crossing the street. He wakes up in the hospital and looks up, sees the doctor at his side.
    The doctor says well, you were lucky to get out of it alive, I have a bad news and a good news for you, which one do you want to hear first?

    The guy says "well, let's hear the bad one first".

    Doctor: " You were so badly injured that I had to amputate both your legs".

    Guy: So, can I have the good news?

    Doctor: "Yes, you and I share the same size shoes. And I'd be more than happy to buy your alligator shoes!"


    › See More: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
    Thanks/Like TedG954, gusflores Thanks/liked this post
     
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  2. #22
    Senior Member
    TedG954's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.
    This is a story of self control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy
    shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.



    What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?



    The Beretta Jetfire:





    While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised by a
    huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of no where.



    She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.


    If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!




    Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took…….the bear got him and
    I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.



    It's one of the best pistols in my collection……...


     
    Nikon D800.....Sony A7RII.....Nikon D3300 (IR dedicated 590nm).....Sony A6000 APS-C........NEX 5T (IR dedicated 720nm) (and too many lenses)

    If you'd like to see more, please visit my gallery at:
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  3. #23
    Senior Member
    Pierro's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    Discover: a record sleeve
    Impeccable: bird proof
    Rapscallion: Funky hip hop spring onion
    Illegal: Sick bird of prey
    Minimum: A very small mother
    Bacteria: A rear entrance to a cafeteria
    Copper Nitrate: Overtime for policemen.
    Handicap: A ready-to-use hat
    Warehouse: What you ask for when you're lost
    Baloney: Where some women's hemlines fall.
    Control: A short, ugly inmate.
    Eclipse: What a barber does for a living.
    Paradox: Two physicians.
    Pharmacist: A farm helper
    Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus
    Cobra: A brasseire for conjoined twins
    Aromatic: An automatic crossbow.
    Porcupine: A craving for bacon.
    Houmous: A spreadable Greek joke
    Subdued: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
    Stalemate: An old spouse.
    Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
    Barbecue: A line of people waiting for a haircut.
    Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.
    Boycott: Somewhere to keep male babies.
    Bouyant: A male insect.
    Myth: A female moth
    Polarize: What penguins see with.
    Relief: What trees do in the spring
     
    Pete
    RSPB supporting member & Dogs Trust supporting member
    D300 + 70-210 f4 AF + 35-105 AF macro + 105 Ais + 20mm Ais + Manfrotto & Giottos


    Give a poor man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a poor man a bank and he can rob everyone



  4. #24
    Senior Member
    Pierro's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    A sceptical anthropologist was catalogueing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
    When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
    Thanks/Like snaphappy, TedG954, Warlock Thanks/liked this post
     
    Pete
    RSPB supporting member & Dogs Trust supporting member
    D300 + 70-210 f4 AF + 35-105 AF macro + 105 Ais + 20mm Ais + Manfrotto & Giottos


    Give a poor man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a poor man a bank and he can rob everyone



  5. #25
    Senior Member
    Pierro's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
     
    Pete
    RSPB supporting member & Dogs Trust supporting member
    D300 + 70-210 f4 AF + 35-105 AF macro + 105 Ais + 20mm Ais + Manfrotto & Giottos


    Give a poor man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a poor man a bank and he can rob everyone



  6. #26
    Senior Member
    Pierro's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    It took me a while to understand that one
    Thanks/Like Marilynne Thanks/liked this post
     
    Pete
    RSPB supporting member & Dogs Trust supporting member
    D300 + 70-210 f4 AF + 35-105 AF macro + 105 Ais + 20mm Ais + Manfrotto & Giottos


    Give a poor man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a poor man a bank and he can rob everyone



  7. #27
    RIP :(
    Don Kuykendall's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pierro View Post
    It took me a while to understand that one
    I had to read it twice. But it is very funny. My wife is a English teacher and I just sent it to her. We will see how it goes with her.
    Thanks/Like Pierro Thanks/liked this post
     

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  8. #28
    Senior Member
    TedG954's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79.
    I'm so happy, because I live at number 71.
    So it's not too far to walk home afterwards.
    And it's the same side of the street.
    I don't even have to cross the road!
    ~~~~~
    Answering machine message,
    "I am not available right now,
    but thank you for caring enough to call.
    I am making some changes in my life.
    Please leave a message after the beep.
    If I do not return your call,
    you are one of the changes."
    ~~~~~
    Aspire to inspire before you expire.
    ~~~~~
    My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
    ~~~~~
    Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
    ~~~~~
    Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
    ~~~~~
    The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around,
    you're not going anywhere.
    ~~~~~
    God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
    ~~~~~
    I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
    ~~~~~
    Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
    ~~~~~
    The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
    "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control,mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the
    Pledge of Allegiance?"
    *******
    Thanks/Like snaphappy, Pierro, gusflores, nmccamy, John! Thanks/liked this post
     
    Nikon D800.....Sony A7RII.....Nikon D3300 (IR dedicated 590nm).....Sony A6000 APS-C........NEX 5T (IR dedicated 720nm) (and too many lenses)

    If you'd like to see more, please visit my gallery at:
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/120761444@N07/

    Become an Organ Donor today: http://donatelife.net/register-now/ Save as many as 50 lives. Thanks.




  9. #29
    Senior Member
    Roy1961's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
    It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
    On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

    So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake,
    Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
    Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

    'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father,
    his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said,
    "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when
    the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya nutter.



  10. #30
    Senior Member
    fotojack's Avatar

    Re: Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.

    hehehe......always liked this one.

    Dumb Jokes Posted Here.... if you dare.-no-point.jpg
     
    Jack

    We guarantee quick answers....no matter how long it takes!

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